Sick Old Man

This is Jon.

When I look in the mirror or see a picture of myself all I see is a sick old man. The sick is undeniable, but I'm sure many of you who might be even older than I, do not, and should not, consider yourself old. I guess old is when you find yourself unable to do things you want to do and feel you should be able to do, or are even unable to realize what you are missing out on. Obviously, that starts at about age 18, but I am talking about in important areas: cognitive, mobility, ability to do the basic things: sleep, eat, cook, control your bodily functions, or have a minimum level of stamina to get through the easiest tasks: shopping, climbing stairs, staying awake in the middle of the day.

So, presumably because of my disease, I am getting weaker in other areas. and for a while in the past weeks and months, I have felt too frail to get through the day at a minimal level. That, and the seemingly lack of progress towards a new treatment after the doctors had realized they had no idea when my previous treatment had stopped working, was certainly getting me down. I would say I was old.

But this is the fifth day of treatments and so far I have had no side effects. When we go into the clinic, they take my temperature, make sure I know who the president is (today she asked who the next president will be and when I answered Biden, I think she was wondering if I was truly compos mentis), and, after seeing the blood work all looks good, kick us out after an hour and a half. I am feeling stronger and still able to think. I may still be a sick old man, but I now feel we are going in the correct direction.