Hold Tight and Pretend It's a Plan

Since the beginning of February I have been doing this online writing thing -- not this blog, but as part of a group that pays to participate.  For the first ten days we sent a thousand words a day but now we are in a much mellower plan, sending one piece a week.  The teacher/coach reads our work but doesn't comment unless we request a meeting, I guess.  The point is to be accountable and to keep writing, no matter what.  (It's a little bit how I feel about this blog lately. If people are still reading, I feel like I need to be accountable. When you stop reading, I guess I will stop posting this particular blog and find a new venue.) Every Monday he sends an encouraging message out with a bunch of different suggestions for how to start.  It may just be one word that can spark a lot of thoughts or it could be a technique that he wants you to try. As you know, I tend to write only what I know about first hand, close up. I write stories about the world I inhabit....

Two elderly friends died this week. Neither death was a surprise, but all deaths are a surprise somehow.  Both were in hospice care, so we all knew that our days with these friends were numbered.  You never quite know how numbered, but you know that you are counting down. When my Grandma Hiu died at age 102, her doctor wisely said that she "died of the dwindles." She even said she had eaten everything she wanted to eat and she didn't need anything more. That instantly became my own goal, to die of the dwindles, a long time from now.  This was such a comforting thought, that some day I might be allowed to fade away.  When my father died at 49, it was so horribly shocking that I found that I was unable to think about dying myself. If the thought came into my mind, it brought a jolt of fear.  While we had small kids, I just couldn't face the idea that I would ever die. So, I started to do what I prescribed for myself, spending time with old people who were fini...

I am sure there are a number of random readers who have not been following this blog for its whole life span, and they might not know there has been a side trip into the world of acupuncture. Ever since March 20, I have been going once a week to see Tuan, on the advice of two people who felt so strongly positive about his work that I could not ignore the opportunity. After eight visits, I am accustomed to the routine but still completely mystified about the plan.  I asked Lani, my sister who is an acupuncturist for horses, what the general theory is.  As she explained it, every week is different and every week there is something new to tweak/adjust/fiddle with. There may not be a plan. There may not be a linear course of action. For the last couple of weeks, the treatments have seemed mellow.  I wondered whether we were winding down, whether I was getting closer to being in balance.  I didn't really want to ask because it seems like just about no information is v...

Well, it turns out that just about everything is about being in a group.  This comes as no surprise to any social worker or therapist or person who works with people who need some kind of help.  I am not even talking about "belonging" in this case -- it is more about finding support in being with others who are having the same questions, the same challenges. My sister has spent her entire career working on getting people together to learn stuff.  She is now the nation's leading expert (and probably therefore possibly the world's expert) on teaching surgeons and other medical professionals to be better communicators.  It is undoubtedly more sophisticated than that, but she has been developing a program and publishing papers and spreading this program throughout the country, trying to get the medical world to do a better job talking to patients and families. I asked her if this sort of thing can actually be taught. She says they don't know yet, and they are studyi...